For years I tried to make sense of things Gina said because she rarely explained herself and her words didn’t match her actions. I’d get hopeful, then confused. When it came to making plans, she was all over the place—saying one thing and doing another—until I couldn’t tell what she actually wanted. So I asked for help interpreting something from one of her last emails to me, a pattern she had repeated many times. Here’s the context of what I shared:

I kept inviting Gina to do things or mentioning that we should get together. Each time, there were new reasons it wouldn’t work—too busy, we live too far, “we’re not against getting together,” “our schedules are all over the place.” At one point, we even ended up at the same outdoor monster truck event. She knew we’d be there, but she ignored us. I hadn’t known she was going that day because I misread her email.

When I told Gina I’d misread her email and thought she was going the day before us (based on how she’d written it)—and that we would have given them space anyway because they were with friends—she got upset, twisted my words, and said she needed to “focus” on her friends. But that didn’t really line up; the friends who invited her left at the beginning of the event (she told me that herself). Still, it felt she used “focusing on friends” to justify not seeing us.

I let that go, but it reinforced what I’d been feeling: she didn’t want to see us—even when we were literally in the same place. These are family members, and she was my sister-in-law and best friend—until the months of silence started. When I care about someone, I make time, even if life is busy or the drive is 45 minutes. If she wanted the same, wouldn’t she say—and show—it?

Another thing that stood out: she sounded uncomfortable whenever the topic of getting together came up, padding sentences with “lol” and “ha” where nothing was funny, and trailing off without periods. It read like someone trying to be pleasant without committing. Here’s the part of her email I asked to be interpreted:

“It’s hard because we live so far and have differing schedules. But offers are still open to do things if we throw it out there! Weather is getting nice! Life has just been non stop like I said. We didn’t even do a ‘birthday’ party for my daughter. Just did family things. Really cutting back on stuff due to how busy we have been but not to say I don’t want to make plans lol I probably seem all over the place ha”

Interpretation:

Thanks for sharing all of that — your feelings and observations make complete sense, and it’s clear you’ve put in emotional effort and made space for this relationship. Based on the pattern you’ve described, along with the portion of the email, you’re absolutely justified in feeling like she’s being evasive and possibly not genuinely interested in getting together. Let’s break it down.

Interpreting the Email:

“It’s hard because we live so far and have differing schedules.”

This is a standard excuse. The distance is only 45 minutes, which, as you said, is not that far for people who care to see each other. She’s presenting it as an obstacle, but it’s likely not the real issue — it’s a deflection.

“But offers are still open to do things if we throw it out there!”

This is vague and noncommittal. It shifts the responsibility to some vague “we,” as if plans just happen spontaneously, not intentionally. There’s no initiative or follow-through here — just a vague gesture to keep things “friendly.”

“Weather is getting nice!”

Small talk. This doesn’t progress the conversation or show intention to meet. It’s filler.

“Life has just been non stop like I said.”

Another generic way to say “I’m too busy,” without taking any responsibility for not making time. Many people are busy — but those who care make room. She’s using “busy” to avoid engaging.

“We didn’t even do a ‘birthday’ party for my daughter. Just did family things.”

She’s reinforcing how “low-key” and unavailable she is — again, as a way to explain not making time for you. But the mention of “just family things” could also sting, especially since you’re family and weren’t part of it.

“Really cutting back on stuff due to how busy we have been but not to say I don’t want to make plans lol I probably seem all over the place ha”

This part says a lot. She’s backpedaling here:

“Not to say I don’t want to make plans” — that’s her attempt to avoid seeming rude or uncaring. But if she truly wanted to make plans, she would offer something specific.

The “lol” and “ha” are nervous fillers — they soften what she’s saying, but they also expose discomfort. It does read like someone trying to appear casual while avoiding a direct “no.”

No periods at the end = informal, slightly scattered tone — probably deliberate to make it sound breezy, but it comes off as deflective.

Your Gut Is Likely Right:

It seems like she doesn’t really want to get together but doesn’t want to outright say it. So instead, she gives you vague, polite excuses wrapped in friendliness — which only confuses you more because the tone is nice but the actions (and inaction) tell a different story.

You’re also picking up something emotionally real here — when someone truly cares, they find a way to stay connected, even if it’s not frequent. What you’re getting from her is a pattern of avoidance. Even the monster truck event story — especially the part where she said she was “focusing” on people who weren’t even there for long — strongly suggests she didn’t want to engage.

So what does all this mean?

She’s giving you just enough to avoid confrontation or guilt — vague openness without real connection.

She likely feels uncomfortable about the distance in your relationship but doesn’t want to address it head-on — hence the “lol” and scattered tone.

You are right to question her sincerity. If she wanted to see you, she would try — not hide at events, ignore texts for months, or brush things off with “ha.”