I thought today would be the perfect time to talk about why small things often carry much bigger meaning behind the scenes.

Today is Gina’s birthday. If you’ve followed my blog, you know Gina is the reason I started writing in the first place. Writing about this has been helping me heal and move on, and while it’s fresh in my mind, I want to share it.

My birthday was in July. To my surprise, I received a lot of birthday wishes. They came from all kinds of people:

• People who truly care.
• People just being polite (like family and old friends on Facebook).
• People who meant it.
• People (like my MIL) who use it as a way to manipulate a response.

And then there are those who say nothing at all. The silence can feel louder than words. That was Gina. For the first time since our friendship began, she ignored my birthday completely.

Now, I don’t need anyone to tell me Happy Birthday. I’m 42, and I know most adults don’t make a big deal about birthdays unless it’s for someone very close. Still, I believe birthdays should be acknowledged. Not everyone gets the chance to reach this age—I’ve lost childhood friends who never made it to their 40s. For me, a quiet birthday at home with my kids, video games, and maybe some online shopping is perfect.

The point isn’t about the size of the celebration. It’s about who remembers—without being reminded. Those are the people who show they genuinely care.

For years, Gina always wished me a Happy Birthday. 2024 was the last time. Between 2022 and 2024, she stopped texting me directly on the day and instead just slipped a “Happy Birthday” into email replies. It wasn’t much effort, and by then her behavior toward me had already shifted. The effort and warmth I used to feel from her were gone.

Even so, I kept texting her Happy Birthday every year—until 2024. That was when it finally hit me: I was making more effort than she was. I saw her as my best friend. She clearly didn’t see me the same way. So I pulled back, not to retaliate, but to match her level of effort. When I stopped texting and simply mentioned it in email, she went silent for more than three months. It felt hypocritical and exhausting, like another double standard.

This year, I debated whether to wish her a Happy Birthday. My thoughts went in circles:

• If I don’t, I’ll feel just as cruel as she has been.
• If I do, she’ll see me as desperate or under her control.
• She might even lump me in with my MIL, who uses birthday wishes to fish for responses.

But here’s what I realized:

• I’m not cruel, and saying “Happy Birthday” wouldn’t change a thing. It wouldn’t bring an apology or fix the friendship.
• Silence on my part simply shows that I’m done playing games. I already said everything that needed to be said. She chose to ignore me.
• Her silence makes it clear she doesn’t care. And that means I’m finished caring, too.
• I’ve already tried everything I could to salvage things. The weight is no longer mine to carry.

So today, there will be no birthday message from me to Gina. Not out of spite, but out of growth. Her silence showed me she doesn’t care; my silence shows I am moving on. I refuse to stay anxious or stuck in a cycle of waiting for her to care. I know I did nothing to deserve her treatment, and if someone truly cares, they don’t push you out. Life is too short to chase people who don’t want to be in it.

Instead, I’m focusing on joy. In eight days, Starbucks releases the Pumpkin Spice Latte, and fall begins—the season I love most. This week I’ll decorate for Halloween (as I always do early), walk the mall with my kids, and soak in all the fun traditions we enjoy together.

Because in the end, it’s not just about the “little things.” It’s about the little things piling up, repeating, and revealing the truth behind someone’s actions. Gina’s silence on my birthday was just one more piece of a bigger picture. It wasn’t about two words—“Happy Birthday.” It was about years of neglect, double standards, and her choice to stay silent when it mattered most.

And that, finally, says more than any birthday wish ever could.

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