(When words don’t match actions)

I want to share what I’ve learned about people who say they “love and value” you, while their actions consistently show otherwise.

Since my former close friend (and sister-in-law) shut me out in November 2024, her words have not matched her behavior. For over a year, she said things like “I love and value you and your family,” and “You all are loved,” while asking for space, ignoring direct communication, and distancing herself—yet still acknowledging people closest to me and sending gifts.

She believes she can “love from a distance” without maintaining connection or communication. The problem is that real love and value require presence.

When you love and value someone, you want them in your life. You want to stay in touch, communicate openly, and address issues when they arise. Valuing someone means they are included, not shut out or left confused.

Even when I was hurt or when this former friend said or did something painful, I still wanted to talk it through and remain connected—because that is what love and value look like. Ignoring someone, withholding clarity, and creating emotional distance while claiming love is not love.

And when “space” is used to punish, control, or avoid accountability, it stops being healthy and becomes harmful.

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Why This Isn’t Love

Actions matter more than words. If someone’s behavior is consistently dismissive or hurtful, that reflects a toxic dynamic—not genuine care.

“Needing space” can become manipulation. While space can be healthy, using it to withdraw affection, retaliate, or avoid responsibility creates emotional instability.

Love can be claimed—but still be unhealthy. Emotional immaturity, control, or unresolved personal issues can lead someone to believe they love you while repeatedly causing harm.

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Closing Paragraph

Love does not confuse, punish, or shut you out. It does not hide behind distance while expecting loyalty and understanding in return. When someone’s actions repeatedly cause harm, it is okay to stop accepting their version of love and start honoring your own boundaries. Choosing peace is not abandonment—it is self-respect.

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Reader Reflection

Reflection question:
What would change in your life if you stopped accepting words that contradict behavior?
What boundaries would protect your peace if you allowed yourself to believe what you’re experiencing?

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